i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
