I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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