I bet he comes in French.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
