Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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