THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
