I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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