I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize