in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
