As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
