I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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