I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
