apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
