wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
