first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
A bitchslap is in order.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
