i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
