omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
we should paint friendship bongs
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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