I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
