im having a threesome with these popsicles
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
