It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have fence marks all over my body
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
