Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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