Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
