I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
