I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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