I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
