4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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