Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
