I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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