I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
