People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize