I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize