i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
