You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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