drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
