My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
