I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
