I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
