I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
