you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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