So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
