i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
