I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize