This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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