Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
farters have to be the big spoon...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
