I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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