Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
