Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
