Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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