Screwed.edu
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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