me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
