i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ā¯¤ā¯¤ also dont tell anyone
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
