my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
