Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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