Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
