so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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