we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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