i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
