hotel room ftw
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
