no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
the liver wants what the liver wants
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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