Screwed.edu
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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