Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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