I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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