Me. At least after what I've been through.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
