I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
