the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
