It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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