We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
