Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
